The Valley Of The Sham – Guest Poem by My Hobbit

The Valley Of The Sham

I saw The Great and Secret Show
Lost in the Valley of the Damned
Got past the shame and saw the Sham
I loved the Demons, I loved the Whores
The Light of God shone through the Doors
Caught in a rabbit Trap I never made
My Soul transmuted beneath the shade
The Fire burns, it burns so well
I never knew your Heaven was my Hell.

Deaf Man Talking!

There are many awkward moments when a deaf man (or woman) can talk, mostly because when they do talk, they talk so loud that it’s very jarring.  Even if it’s not as loud as a normal voice, it’s still very surprising.

It’s completely understandable if a deaf person does speak in a voice with abnormal volume, especially when they have once been hearing, or have had more hearing than they do at present, because they can’t hear themselves as well as they used to.   I’ve pointed out in previous posts that the deaf can be inadvertently loud. My hubby is stone deaf without his technology and the volume of his voice is almost always on high without it.  Then he puts his CI on.  I love his voice when he has his CI on.   It absolutely melts me.  It’s like switching from Death Metal to Barry White… kinda.

I know he doesn’t really know how loud his non CI voice is, but it’s sometimes a little embarrassing when the house is all nice and quiet, my dad is in the room just down the hall, the kids reading quietly in their rooms (doors wide open) and hubby decides to say something a little naughty at full volume.  Full non CI volume.  It’s okay though, right?  No one is paying attention, and even if they heard it, they wouldn’t admit it… right? I mean… it’s not like they are going to blog about it or anything… right?

A Deafblind Man of You Own – Act Now!

There are complications to being married to a deaf-blind man.  “But Noelle, what could possibly outweigh the benefits of being married to the unparalleled bliss of sexiness that is your average deaf-blind man?” You may ask.  Normally, the sheer joy of possessing my very own deaf-blind man makes me forget, or at the very least, put aside the fact that my whites clothes are washed with dark clothes.  I am flattered he thinks my daughters size zero clothes are mine, of course.  Most people would consider those mere trifles if they considered them a bother at all–which I most certainly do not!  I don’t want to make you envious of me.  I assure you that there are plenty of single deaf-blind men for each and every woman in desperate need of one.  I’m just trying to enlighten you on the very minimal, hardly worth mentioning really, complications involved with an inter aural marriage and the slight complication that vision impairment adds to it.

There are a few drawbacks.  First, you really can’t complain that your deafblind man is too touchy-feely.  Also, a deafblindman can be high maintenance.  Where a beautiful woman (or man) might require excessive salon services, and maybe a plastic surgeon, a deafblind man is in constant need of reading material.  Technology can help with this last drawback, and a larger than average libido can handle the first.

A clean floor and minimal breakables is also one of those high maintenance issues.  If you have a favorite porcelain doll, or vases, or anything even mildly ceramic in nature, it is in your best interests to invest in shelves installed higher than your deafblind man’s height.   Anything you leave on the floor is in jeopardy.  Clutter is an almost unbearable burden for any deafblind man (though mine tolerates my clutter if I just keep it on my desk 😛 )

Pets are not too much of an issue.  Cats and Dogs that do not run from your deafblind man will probably be trampled, kicked and occasionally sent into orbit, but it will only happen a few times before they learn to avoid him, though they always seem to forget when food is involved.  You will probably get trampled on, smacked, sideswiped with a cane or other object in your deafblind man’s hands, but I am sure it is not as bad as getting your tail squished by the deafblind man’s desk chair.

There are a few other minor niggles, but they are best managed one on one with your own deafblind man.  Just looking at him, in all his sexiness, might make you forget the little problems that can crop up, so I hope this blog article has been useful in helping remind you that, although his eyes are as blue as the sky, you may be seeing stars when he whips his cane out while you are around.

To procure your very own deafblind man, feel free to volunteer at any Lighthouse for the Blind (ours is in Houston, look for the one nearest you) or at American Association for the Deaf Blind.

Act now! Supplies are limited!  Operators (and Intervenors) are standing by!

Natural Man Is An Enemy To God … or the benefits of being married to a blind man

Today at work we were joking how Michelle Obama could probably, literally, and legally, kick the Presidents arse.  We speculated that she kept him in line pretty well, but there were moments like these:

that you really can’t be to sure about.

In defense of the President, the only male involved in our conversation said,what many men  say about events like this, “It’s a natural male reaction.  You can’t blame him for looking”

Women have heard the “it’s natural” argument being made not just by men, but by lady shrinks who think that if a woman just understood and accepted a man’s ‘nature,’ everything would be better.  Why should women accept a man’s nature without comment?  Do men accept, without complaining, PMS, menstruation, not wanting sex, headaches, nagging, or anything else that comes ‘naturally’ to women?

I have heard this argument given through my first marriage, but now I am married to a man who is above that nature.  My husband doesn’t complain much about my nature  (or at least he’s smart enough not to let me see/hear it) and–here is one of the perks of being married to a blind man–he can’t see well enough to ogle women in public.  Sometimes he can barely tell if it’s me when I’m four feet from him, so he’s definitely not looking at the women as they pass by.

This isn’t to say he wouldn’t like to, or that he doesn’t enjoy watching scantily clad women in movies even though he has to sit with his nose on the screen to see them and can’t possibly see both cleavage and exposed midsection at the same time unless there is some miraculous split screen.  I’m just saying it is SO much work for him to try and be a ‘natural’ man when it comes to ogling women, that he seems perfectly satisfied to let me be his focus when it comes to that ‘natural’ urge.

I do appreciate this and in return, I try not to be as ‘natural’ around him too.  AND… I never make him buy tampons.

Still, I can’t tell you how reassuring it is that when my husband says “you are the most beautiful woman I know,” that he is not just judging my looks – because he’s mostly blind – he’s judging me on those things a woman often vainly hopes a man will judge her for: What’s inside.