Putting God First Does Not Equal Loving Him More Than Your Spouse (imo) and how ASL makes that clear

I remember telling my new husband that love is not a pie.  I told him this because there is always a worry with a widow that her heart is never wholy yours.

Love is not a finite resource that is doled out and diminished, like a cherry pie. It is an infinite resource that actually grows when given/used.  You discover this when you have your second child…  or your next husband.

There is no one who understands this concept more than God, our Heavenly Father.  And I have never seen a scripture that says “love God more than your wife.”  In fact, one could argue, “as Christ loved the church,” is an argument for loving your wife as much as God. 

I think where people get confused is the phrase “Putting God First.”  This was not meant to put God before your wife in your heart.  While God is a jealous God, if you think of the logical gospel context (God is nothing if not logical) he would never object to you having as much love for a person as he has for you, and let’s face it, you’ll not ever get to that point in mortality. Even Christ shrunk from that responsibility.

When you “see” the scriptures or talks from modern day seers and revelators in ASL (American sign language ), you can see it is directional.  It is simple.  It is clear in a language that values clarity about e all else.

Putting God First is directional, not emotional.  God is your navigator.  Only he knows where you want to end up.  Your spouse is as clueless about the final destination as you are.  To follow your spouse or even ask them to lead you if you were not positive they were following the map of the only navigator available to you would be folly.  It would be as senseless in real life as it is spiritually.  That is, in fact,  how you can testify of the truth of it.  There is always a real world parallel to spiritual concepts. This is why parables are so effective.

I admit that I cringe a little when people say they put God first in their lives. The way I feel about it is my earth father would never expect me to put him before my husband,  but in matters of life experience, he would necessarily expect me to defer to his earthly knowledge over my husbands.

In my opinion the gospel is not hypocritical. Concepts and precepts are applicable universally. If you wouldn’t put your earthly father before your spouse on earth, then God could not expect you to do it while heaven bound.

The phrase “I put God first in my marriage ” is too confusing to laymen, and leads  communication problems in marriage itself between genders already prone to miscommunication.  I think we need to defer to the deaf on this matter.  “God above others. ”  And it makes sense this way.  It is simple, clear and does not put your spouse below you in order of importance,  in fact it puts you with them, following God in the direction you should both be ne nessarily be headed if following God: upward and onward.

Letters to My Hobbit – 1

Dear Sam Campbell III,

Today was ok, but the weekend in all was a little difficult. I had to be home, of course, and take care of things here, and everything reminds me of you. Everything. We made it all together, so of course it reminds me of you. Today I went to Memorial Park and Fallbrook, both. I cried in both places telling people how important it was to listen to the spirit. Naturally, I have a headache now. I haven’t been very hungry, but have an unnatural amount of cookies given to me, all of them my ‘favorite’ kinds. It has been strangely hard to eat chocolate…

I’m a little mad at you for not following through on those “notes to my wife,” like you did for your sister, since your sister won’t talk to me now. I’m also a little iritated that you use Linux, so everything I have of yours is hidden in a Matrix I can’t unlock. I will either have to hope that Gordon Chamberlin can unlock it all, or that I can find someone who can. I have 2 terabyte external drives with your info on it that, if I put it in my computer, it tells me I should format the drive.

I made this little memory box thing and filled it with your beads (the wood beads you loved to make mala’s from), your Star Fleet Academy ring (remember you said you felt like THAT was where you graduated from?) your Texas ID, your personal military spec crucifix, some hearing aid batteries and shoelaces. They are all the things that remind me of you. Remember when I said I thought you had a strange obsession with rosaries? I came to understand that, and how it was mostly tactile for you, and a great focus for your meditation, but I still don’t understand your obsession with black laces (they had to be black) of a specific length. I don’t know how you knew those other laces weren’t black, but somehow you did, and tossed them into your “abyss box.”

I went through the closet this week, it’s still pretty much a mess, and I think I will ask someone to come and help me clean it out when my mom is gone. For some reason, I don’t really want to do it with my mom. Your shoes and boots and your extra monitor are still in the room. And I haven’t gone through the box with our documents. I moved Erin into our room so I can fix up and rent out the other rooms. I think I need to do something to help replace your income. I want to keep working on the projects we had planned, and I can’t do that if I’m struggling to keep above water.

Adam, our sainted renter on a bike, fixed the fridge. He also fixed the hole in the wall in Erin’s (former) room. I am letting him stay free if he will manage the house and the repairs. He has taken much of the expense of the repairs on himself, so I think letting him stay free is ‘fair.’ I have no idea how much I am actually saving, but you do know it’s about 75 dollars just for a visit from a repair man. BTW, every appliance in the kitchen was covered under our homeowners policy EXCEPT the fridge…

I can’t seem to stay focused on any tasks at home. It’s like I’m an ADHD but I can’t even find something satisfyingly distracting.

I am writing our story, but not really. It’s a sort of “what if” story, like Notes From…. I will write our ‘real life’ story later, when it’s not as bittersweet. I do still have lots of fantasy stories we made up together based on Calinor and our personal experiences. I will try to finish those one day too, but right now, I’m writing this story about what would have happened if we would have met in Banning right after I graduated. I do that at night and in the morning to distract me from all the ‘must do’ lists my head fills up with at those times. I like that it helps me remember you, and that it is easier to remember you this way. Plus, you were really hot when you were younger, and so was I, and that never hurts in a story. We talked about it all the time, remember? What would have happened if we would have met when we were younger.

I’m trying not to be upset about having to stay here by myself and finish things up here without you. I am trying to remember pioneer women who had to take care of a farm and family while their husband served a mission a country away, or I try to remember how difficult life was for you and how simple things were starting to become a challenge, and how you are free now, but it doesn’t really help. I have no idea how long this mission will be, I didn’t think, even with your struggles, that things were that bad. Everyone knew we were happy, right? So I dunno and right now, I just want to go “home,” or run and run and run and run and never stop anywhere.

I have to go to bed now, because I have to work. Work is the easiest for me to handle. It’s almost a relief. I’m glad this is the long week. I have the kids this weekend. It’s hard to try and think of things to do–of course everything we plan reminds us you aren’t here, but I want you to know that we are really trying to do the things you wanted us to do, and be the blessing to other people you always wanted us to be. We are trying to bring honor to your name, the same way you tried to honor the name of God (and fathers and husbands).

Still a little angry at you for leaving without me, but love you more than anything left on Earth.

Say hi to Jack for me.

Love, Noelle

Ghosts of Christmas past. (Guest Post by My Hobbit)

I will always remember this year’s Christmas. Thanks to the generosity of friends, family, and strangers, we had a better Christmas than I had any reason to expect. We were able to raise enough money through donations for the 20% co-pay coverage for a Nucleus 6 cochlear implant. It arrived on Christmas Eve. It came by FedEx, though I like to pretend it was delivered by sleigh and reindeer.

What’s more, I was able to get another pair of good quality sunglasses thanks to friends in our ward who got us gift cards for Christmas. They are Veza sunglasses, which are only sold at Sam’s Club. I really like the Veza sunglasses because they are incredibly strong and sturdy. Whenever I can scrounge up the money I look forward to adding another pair to my collection. I have three pairs now, and if I don’t lose any of them they should last a lifetime. They’re not a well-known brand, but that just makes them even more special. I feel like I know a secret that most people don’t know.

I don’t want much in the way of luxuries. I like sturdy boots, sturdy sunglasses, and a computer with a fast internet connection. I care more about whether something is durable than whether it is fashionable.

Anyway, what with a new CI processor and new sunglasses, it was a very deafblindie sort of Christmas. I’ve already set up an appointment with a specialist to have the CI assembled and mapped for the first time.

I look forward to switching from the big processor to a BTE (behind-the-ear) unit. It will be a lot more convenient. And fortunately I also have a backup CI that still works, even though it is obsolete. I am practically OCD about having backups: backup CIs, backup sunglasses, backup computers, backup boots, etc.

Anyway, it was a great Christmas. And thanks to everyone who contributed to the purchase of a new CI!

Happy Holidays,
+Sam

Motivational speakers…

I can’t convince my husband, who is blind and deaf, that he COULD be a motivational speaker, and he has great experiences to share… Everyone always asks about ‘how did you meet’ and ‘how do you cope’ and on and on.  Why he’s not writing or speaking, I really can’t understand. He says he doesn’t like being an ‘inspiration’ to people, but heck!  We need money and he needs a career.  There’s one built into being an ‘inspiration’ to people, isn’t there?  It’s like a writer, but with a sob story everyone actually WANTS to hear.  Or at least be a comedian… right?

So… how do I convince him?

Book Covers

Two weeks to go for the Kickstarter program.  f you have any friends that are considering self publishing their book, want some cool graphics for their page/blog/project – please direct them to my kickstarter project and direct them to the 100$ donation – the illustration for a 100$ donation is more than 1/2 off a normal commission for an illustration and I promise they will be impressed with theirs and praise your name 😀 http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1872789691/tell-me-the-stories-of-jesus-miracle-of-loaves-and

 

As an update, my Hobbit’s eyesight is rapidly fading.  I don’t think he’ll have any eyesight at all by the end of 12 months.  We really don’t have plans on how to handle this, just are taking things one day at a time at this point.  If you can help fund the project above, even at 5.00, it will help me get set up and started with a job I can do from home.  I really need to be home right now, and I’m trying to do everything I can to make sure we stay above water, but it’s not easy.

Halfway Mark!

Am halfway to my goal on my kickstarter project! A big thanks to those of you who have helped out. There is still more to go! Need 100 more dollars! Every little bit helps and the sooner I get funded, the sooner I can start the project. Thank you so much to all who have helped! And I hope the rest of you can help me make that last 100$! URL below.

To ASL or not to ASL?

I can’t seem to get my mic to work when I’m recording on my webcam from my laptop, so I made a video completely in ASL for Kickstarter. Should I use that, or go ahead and use my iPhone to make a ‘hearing’ video instead?

Here’s the video (for those of you who haven’t seen me do ASL before).  And yes, I know it’s not TRUE ASL, because we use a mix of PSE, Fingerspelling and Tactile Sign at home and it’s hard to get from that to true ASL unless I’m in a conversation with another person using it.

 

Prologue from Raging Bull

For those of you that helped me with this novella, there’s a sneak peak up at my artists/authors blog:

via Prologue from Raging Bull.

Feel free to repost and reblog!!!