I almost had an entire week where I didn’t cry, but that was ruined today. Everytime I see your icon, and how fitting you left that icon, the first picture I ever associated with you–in fact, the blue infinity symbol on a black background most of your online friends associate you with– your icon when you left earth, I think “I love you so much” like some sort of automatic response to your presence.
I feel torn between worrying I am making some sort of idol of you, trying to hold onto these feelings I have for you and certain that if you were alive, these feelings would be righteous. Who can guide me? Where is the line of making you a false idol and simply wanting to remember you are my husband, even now you’ve passed.
I crave someone to just talk to who doesn’t know you at all so they can get to know you through my eyes. I’m not sure why, maybe you would have said the same. I see you much more generously than you saw yourself or I see myself. Maybe that’s why I want to write your story, even if its in fantasy firm. I want people to know you like I do. I want them to love you, because then you’ll be more alive somehow. I am not sure. I just know I want that really bad…
missing you lots this afternoon
via WordPress for Phone http://goo.gl/j6Fzhf