My hobbit has three siblings still alive. His sister and two brothers. Sam was the oldest. All of his siblings were adopted, as he was, and all of them were, from what I understand, special needs adoptees. When my mother asked me if Sam’s brothers looked like him, because she was going to pick them up from the airport for me, I told her, “No, mom, Sam’s brothers are black. They don’t look like him. I don’t think they are hobbits.” It is common knowledge among all of the family–both my side and Sam’s side–that he was my hobbit, but none of my family knew much about Sam’s childhood. It was something he didn’t share often because he had so many regrets about how he had behaved as a child, especially with regard to his mother who passed away a decade ago. My hobbit loved his brothers deeply. He was always, as an older brother, constantly concerned about how they were doing and getting along. His sister was closest to him in age and they were best friends as children but my hobbit often had always with her as an adult. Sometimes I think his sister became the proxy for his mother once she passed and Sam was still working out his frustrations and guilt on his sister. But he did obviously love her and even when he had a spat with her, he was concerned for her well being.
I met them all, except their youngest sister Bethany, who passed away last year (also, ironically from an infection), for the first time when they flew out for the memorial. I got to hear stories I had never heard before about my hobbit, which was wonderful. And they fill the empty spaces left by my husband while my mind struggles to get over the shock of a presence in my life being suddenly ripped awayand I personally try to forget seeing him dying and dead and stretch my broken heart to remember him being alive. To remember the six short years I had with him. They were beautiful, hard, glorious years I would never trade and fear losing through the entropy that comes with time. I will be filling these pages with memories of him so I can remember and you can learn about my hobbit.